Handle Hard Better

Life doesn’t move in a straight line—it unfolds in seasons. In this episode, we dive into the natural rhythm of ups and downs, the moments of growth that feel expansive, and the periods of pain that feel like everything is being stripped away. Each season carries its own purpose, even when it’s hard to see in the moment.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Hey, I'm Elena. And I'm Steph. And this is thanks. I needed that. A 12-minute conversation between friends to boost our moods and redirect our day.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Because otherwise, we'll just spin. So take a breath. You're with friends now. Hi, Elena.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Hi, Steph. How are you today? I'm good. Yeah. I'm good today. Yeah. It's nice to be in spring, like to feel it. I know it doesn't feel like it there yet. You just made like the saddest face.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

We had two days last week where the city was like, I came home, it was Saturday. There's a coffee shop across the street from my house, and there's a couple benches out front. People are out drinking their coffee talking. And I see this one man. He's got his coffee mug kind of on his like belt. You know, he's like leaning back on his belt, and he's just like this.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

His head flew back.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Like the sun was beating down his face.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Just face to the sun, eyes to the oh my god, I made it. Like that kind of. And then here we are, back to like shit weather.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

It's kind of like you're a mini-thile. Like the sun, like I think that's one of the best feelings ever is those first few sunny days when you can turn your face towards the sun and get warm. It's like you can feel the vitamin D.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yeah. Oh, for sure. That day I had to like make sure I was on the sunny side of the street, otherwise, it was still cold. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of sunny side of the street. Do you know that? No. Yeah, you do. I mean, kind of your coat and get your hat. Oh, yeah. Yep. Okay. Anyway. Um, what are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_01 1:50

So today we're talking we're talking about spring. We're also talking about seasons and seasons of our life that are filled with like easy seasons, growth seasons, hard seasons. Growth is all often a hard season of life. And renewal. Yeah, renewal. Because remember, we talked about like the beginning of the year and when people set intentions or they, you know, um pick a word or something like that. That a lot of people are on this time frame, this spring renewal. This is when nature renews and starts the year. And so, what does that look like and feel like in our lives? And it got me thinking about um a sense of renewal. And then I found this um post from um, it's actually from a therapist at the office where I get therapy. And it's it's not my therapist, but it's another therapist that's practice. And it says, a few reminders from nature on the first day of spring. Growth takes time, rest is productive, change can be gentle, small steps matter, and you're allowed to begin again. And it I send it immediately to you because this is how we talk to each other, right? We we're always sending each other these reminders of what um what growth feels like and looks like is often not a result-oriented thing. It's a it's a discomfort, right? And I loved what you said in response. You said that um, like going from what it feels like to be in full bloom to feeling every step of growth. And it's not linear.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

No, and it and like um like another thing you share with me, which we'll come back to, but like because you've like you're gonna we're gonna continue to go in and out of feeling in full bloom and feeling uncomfortable for the rest of our life. Yes, you don't just get to bloom and be like, I made it, I'm blooming.

unknown 3:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

A permanent bloom.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Have you ever heard of such a thing? Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

I mean, aside from like what a a cypress tree or like an evergreen tree or something? Like, no.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

I do love an evergreen. I do too. But yeah, you're right. Like that that non-linearity, right? Because we all know in one I don't know, in one part of our brain, we know thing growth and comfort and discomfort is not linear. And yet when we're in it, we constantly have to remind ourselves, like this weather that we you just had, right? It's not linear at all, but you got this tease, and then you're like, oh, it's it like feels like this fall from something that we really want, and like, why can't we just stay there? Yeah, and that's the way our our own personal growth is, right? And this uh feeling of discomfort. So I was my sister, two of my sisters are teachers, and two of my other siblings are writers. And so we have this group chat that's just the five of us, it's the five A's. And my sister, who's a middle school teacher, was talking about um a student she had to move in her class because of talking or whatever. And the student said, I'm uncomfortable. And she said, That's great. You can get practice being uncomfortable, you're not always going to be comfortable, but you can build resilience and confidence in yourself that you can be uncomfortable and still be successful and grow and learn and like all the best things you want a teacher to tell you, right? My sister's a like a ridiculously amazing teacher. And my it sparked this discussion amongst my siblings about learning to sit with discomfort and knowing that that's productive, that that's actually growth. Not that we need to be productive addicts, but right, you know what I'm saying here?

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Like yeah, like because if you just choose, if you just sit in the discomfort and just let it consume you, it's not actually helping you, or you it's not even helping you. It's like when you get out of, when you get on the other side of that, yeah, to be able to go, like, oh, I can see maybe where that was important for me to feel.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

But I think we um and we talked about like how we learned to sit with discomfort and know that it's okay. And I was saying I learned it with running 100%. Because I was when you start running, you are uncomfortable. Anything new that you start, you start as a beginner, right? And it's uncomfortable. And every tiny small step is a giant victory, you know, in you know, um incrementally, I guess. And I've had this with really good bosses too, really good leaders that I've worked for who have made me uncomfortable by giving me responsibilities that I didn't feel like I was prepared enough to, you know, um master. Yeah. And living in that discomfort. That's a different kind of discomfort because you're you're betting on yourself, but you're also resisting an imposter narrative. Um, but all those different ways that we can embrace comfort as positive, as marking the moment of being uncomfortable, but being right where you should be.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

So do you remember earlier, maybe in season one, when we talked about the whole episode we had about loneliness? Yes. So I had a moment over the weekend, and it was Friday night into Saturday. Um I just had I was just by myself a lot that day. It was like 24 to 36 hours. Too much. Too much. And then on Saturday, I had no plans, and because I'd had a rough day the day before, I was like, fuck, I this this kind of sucks, you know? But I kept kind of thinking, it was like kind of back in the back of my head what we had talked about before, right? So I'm bringing this up because the work I've previously done around coping with feeling lonely or sad or low was uncomfortable. And in when it comes back now, I'm still uncomfortable, but I've had that experience of coming out of it. Yes. Right? Exactly. So I'm like, I can say to myself, like, I know this is temporary, right? Exactly. Um, and I chose to do something for myself for a little bit, and then lo and behold, um a girlfriend of mine like randomly texts me. She goes, I'm on my way back to Brooklyn, what are you doing? And I was like, and she came over and we had like wine and ordered and food. It was great. But like, and I it was literally like, I really, and I told her, I was like, I was like, this is so important to me that you like called. Thank you. I really needed the, you know, she goes, Oh my god, I'm so whatever. But neither here nor there. In the moment of feeling that way, I was like, I know I will be okay, and I'm gonna come out on the other side of this because I have before.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Yeah. It's that precedent that that um yeah, you're talking yourself through it. It's it doesn't minimize how it doesn't minimize what you're feeling in that moment, but it's like two things can be true. I can feel this and also no, it's not gonna last. Like I'm gonna get on the other side of this.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

And I think talking about this now, it's almost like it's important to me to remember that. And and because I do hope to find somebody to like spend time with and spend my life with, wherever he may be. Um, if anybody knows anybody.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Um but I'm really trying to manifest this man.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Yeah. But um in those moments, not letting myself as hard as it is, go to that place of this is just the way it is.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

You're keeping the dream alive.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

That's right. Callback. Um it's our it's hard to do, right? When you feel like you don't have evidence of it not being this way. But anyway, all that to say, earlier in the year when we talked about loneliness, that was definitely a season, and then I can't think shifted, and then you know, like, and seasons can be a day, seasons can be months, seasons can be you know, there's a lot of impermanence there, and it's hard to remind ourselves in that season it's not forever.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

It won't always be winter in New York City, right? Right, it's it's there are moments waiting for us, and we can sit with the discomfort of the current moment and know that the better moments are on their way.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

And I think this goes to something else we talked about around like how do we do the work and like not like everything has to be the work, but how do we do the work so that when life feels hard, we feel successful at getting through hard times.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

So I sent you that other this video from um the women's coach, the head women's coach of Duke Basketball, Duke Women's Basketball. Uh, my stepdaughter Ellie has season tickets to um Duke Women's Basketball. They are big fans. And I went to Carolina, so you know, rivals. But this woman, and we'll we'll post this uh at Thanks I Needed That at Instagram. She's giving a speech about um handle hard better. That's what the title of the video is called, Handle Hard Better. Because she says that often we're like, well, once I get through this season, it'll be fine. Or once I get through da da da, it'll be fine. Once I get through finals, once I get through this, and it's just no, we can be better now. We can get better at the hard and be like, I got and it I think it all goes back to how you talk to yourself because you talked to yourself in that moment and you were like, I will get through this, I will get to the other side of this. Yeah, like I know how this feels, and I know it'll go away eventually, right? And she's talking about this. Like, I think it was more like, I got this. It it's hard, I'm I'm harder. I can go harder then, I can get better at whatever is hard in front of me. And then you build this resilience, you build this tolerance to these seasons, and they're not as um, they don't take you as low.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Right. So, like that's that's an interesting way of saying it, right? Like I was saying, you're practicing resilience in my head, and you said that, and it's like you don't go as low. So, like, if we're looking at this roller coaster of let's just use loneliness as the example, I'm not saying this is like my own journey, but let's say six months ago there was a really big dip and it was a really hard time, you come back out of it, it doesn't mean that everyone is gonna feel so hard as you practice, get help when you need it, get clear on maybe things that trigger it, you know. Um, reach out when you need to. Yeah, what people trigger it or what circumstances. Um not to say that it won't feel low again, but you're right. Like if we keep paying attention to it without judging it.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yes. I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

We become our own friend in a way of being like, it's okay, I'm gonna get through this because I did before.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Yeah. I don't think you let yourself become a victim of it anymore. I think you see it for it sucks. I definitely bitch about it. But like which you're totally justified and validated in doing, but I don't see you I I see you handling it differently.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

For sure. And more getting better at it, getting better at seasons, life feeling hard, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Yeah, because she says in that video, she's like, it's never not gonna be hard. That's true. It's it's always gonna be some kind of hard. There's always gonna be hard. You can you're gonna have more money than you had now, but something else is gonna be hard. Yeah, you're gonna have better health than you have now. Something else is gonna be hard, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Um handling hard better is a good mantra.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

It is such a good mantra. Um, we will, like you said, when we post this um episode on Instagram, we'll be sure to like add that to the Instagram story so you can watch it because it's really great. Um I feel like this is the kind of stuff I could just talk about forever. Um but there's a 12-ish minute podcast. Yeah, 12-ish minute. Um, okay, influence time. I'll go first this time. Please do. Okay. We're on a we're on a theme here because I've been doing some shopping.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Um shopping to influence me.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Yeah. And um I have been served this ad forever, and I finally took it and went with it. The quince jeans that everybody swears by. I don't need to show you their jeans. Do you know actual people that swear by it? Are you quoting the ad? I'm quoting, I'm I'm looking at the reviews and the pictures of people wearing them and then what they say.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know anybody personally, but I get that ad all the time, and I think like$50. Yeah. That can't be right. They're they're stretchy, they're good.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

I mean, yeah. You're putting them on and you love them. I put them on and I'm like, oh, they give me like a heart-shaped butt. Hey, you know, and they like fit the waist well where you can like tuck in and it like looks good tucked in. Sometimes I have jeans where like from like the zipper down they're cute, and I'm always like trying to cover my waist. Anyway, quince jeans. I bought some other things from Quince, but I'll save those for another episode.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

You're gonna you're gonna trickle influence us, yeah. I love it. Um, what about you? Mine are flowers from Trader Joe's. I don't have a picture here, but I buy a lot of flowers from Trader Joe's um because they make me really happy. And then I saw this ad today, this reel, and it was a guest on the Drew Barrymore show, and he was talking to Ross Matthews and Drew Barrymore, and he was talking about um flowers remind us to stay present because they don't live a long time, right? Flowers are always gonna die. So it goes along with this season of like in full bloom or not. And it was really poetic the way he said it. We can post this one too, but to you enjoy the flowers while they're there, yeah. Like, and and this pressure that you have on yourself to make them last as long as possible or do things every day to like change. Add club soda and baking. Exactly, vodka, penny, whatever it is. But like just let flowers be flowers and enjoy them for the sake of something pretty and lovely that nature made and we can enjoy.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Um, I like when you post your um sometimes on your Instagram stories, you like show the hall of flowers on your countertop. We should have done that yesterday, and then you show like what you did with them. Yeah, I think that would be a fun series. Okay, we'll do it next time because these are still alive. Yeah, she's gonna buy yourself flowers. That's right. Um, okay, you guys, thank you so much for listening.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

And um, if you needed that, this is someone else who might need it too.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Have a good rest of your day.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Bye. Bye.